You look at me with disappointment in your eyes but I warned you from the start I am really not good enough.

"I don't like the person I've become.

My head is too small for all these thousands of thoughts.

When I look at old pictures, I wonder where the happy version of me has gone. What made me change? When did it happen? What made me feel this way? I know, I've always been someone who's a little worried. But this amount of worries and anxiety is no longer small.

In the film The Virgin Suicides, they say "Adults are that mess of sadness and phobia." I'm not a real adult yet but it's true. As I get older, I see the pain in everyone's eyes. Why does it have to be like this?

Sometimes I'm so happy, so freaking happy and so I smile but at the same time, this happiness makes me feel as if something would tear my heart apart.

Aren't we too young to be so sad? I feel like I'm supposed to enjoy life but I can't.

I realized that I don't appreciate what I have even though I know it will be gone soon. I'm always like this and I hate it."