You miss the sickness and the sadness but that's not the kind of life to want, that's not the kind of life to love.

I wish I could take a long break from everything. No responsibilities, no stress, no homework, no people who you feel like you need to please.

I want to drive to the Mediterranean Sea together with P. and dip my feet into the cold water before exploring the cities and villages, spending the night at the beach, looking at the starry sky and talking for hours.  I really want to be truly happy and carefree.  Especially carefree.

I wish I could eat what I want, whenever I want, as much as I want. And I want to feel healthy.  Getting up in the morning and feeling great all day long just like I did not so long ago.  Going to bed at night and immediately falling asleep without waking up several times and having nightmares.

It’s my wish not to be nervous anymore.  I’m tired of it. Talking in front of others, making phone calls, reading out loud, and meeting people – I want to be able to do it like I have done it before. Without having my tongue tied in a knot, without all these maddening feelings I get when I have to do one of those things.

I’m not depressed but I’m nervous, tired and sad.  Most of all, I’m sad. But I don’t wanna be sad anymore.